I'd like to post something that I wrote a while ago...

Our End

Anticipation, fixation, annihilation, and contamination will be our end. We anticipate the next foul move from each other; we fixate our eyes on monetary wealth; we have the means to annihilate all life; we will die from the blast and the contamination that will follow. Why am I so cynical? I don’t want to live on this earth anymore. I don’t want my children to grow up here. I want God to take me now. However, I am selfish and I want to stay with my husband and I want to have children and I want more people to know about Jesus and I don’t want to leave. I am confused, cynical, and a critic of our world. I am not to be of this world; believe me, that’s not so hard.

Martyrdom, terrorism, and religious zealots will be our end. We watch, as martyrs kill and die; we watch, as the “war on terrorism” script is read on TV; we watch, as humans’ beliefs become others’ deaths. How can a belief in one who created life lead to world destruction? That amazes and terrifies me.

Children die of starvation each day. I eat more food than I need and have plenty of money to eat more. I do not deserve this life. I do not deserve this wealth. God has given me too much. God has blessed me with food, shelter, clean water, and clothing -- why? I love and I hate this life. It’s too much to handle sometimes. God give me the joy I need to get through this day, this week, this year, this lifetime. Thank You for an escape from all the pain.

Stephanie Krall
April 16, 2003

On a lighter note, I've been having a wonderful morning. I've been cleaning, looking for a job, playing with Brint and Meekus, listening to the radio (KGSR -- the coolest radio station in Austin), looking for tissue samples on the internet for my Anatomy class, and finding places to go camping. I have those (depicted in Our End above) kinds of days every now and then, but usually I'm a pretty happy and hopeful person. Can't wait to be a real live nurse. I've been thinking about getting involved with the youth group at the church where we've kinda planted ourselves. Random thoughts from a girl in the middle of Texas.