This is a pretty personal blog, but I'll go ahead and share.

I don't feel very close to God right now. I feel very distant from spirituality and all that goes with. My thoughts and feelings are often devoid of any spiritual content, almost as if I were wandering around, aimlessly; I know where I'm supposed to be, I just can't seem to find my way. I pray in the shower sometimes, but the past few nights I've been contemplating when it was that I stopped talking, really talking, to God. It makes me very sad because I can't remember when it happened -- I think it's been a long time.

Reading certain books and, of course, being around certain people helps me see God in everyday life. I even witness small miracles, although they're few and far between. I feel so lucky to have this life, to even breathe, but so cut off from my Creator. And barely hanging on to a relationship that I know can be so much richer (with God).

I feel very close to my husband and very loved by him, as if God uses Geoff to show me how much he loves me. Being with someone that loves God is certainly uplifting. And yes, I love God. I want to shout to the world that He is so awesome for creating this place and creating love and creating life, but then I'm scared to shout it because it's like singing the praises of a long lost friend that you're not so close with anymore, but have to believe that they're still as wonderful as you knew them to be. Does this make sense?

Our religion tells us to read the Bible, have a purpose-driven life, and love one another. Hey, even my own tattoo says love one another. But I haven't been reading my Bible, and I feel about as purpose-driven as a snail, but I do love people and I hope that's enough for right now. I love God. I want to be in communion with him, but I'm not. I love my family and my friends and I hope that my lack in spiritual wealth will not discourage them. I can't believe I'm posting this on the world wide web for everyone to see. Hey, how else can I practice being vulnerable, right?

Thanks for listening, well, reading.