no zzzs

the insomnia. oh, the insomnia. it's coming back. i find myself staring at my daughter thinking, wake up. wake up. give me something to do. this is not a healthy thing for the mother of a newborn. i should relish this time. usually i'm soaking up these precious few hours of sleep. not tonight. i'll make a list...

things i must do this summer, in no particular order:
*write a children's book
*write at all
*come up with a job i can do from home
*learn to speak spanish with ease
*read to Adeline
*learn how to train cats not to be such pains in the ass
*study for the NCLEX, which is now a year away instead of a few months
*stop thinking late at night about how old boyfriends hurt me (what lousy things to rehash!)
*be a better friend
*draw, paint, and create more
*access the part of me that connects with God again
*garden
*eat vegetables
*eat vegetables from my garden
*stop biting my nails during movies

and now i'll talk about how old boyfriends annoyed me because i'm not going to start doing the things on my list until tomorrow or maybe next week. so, one time, this guy told me he was breaking up with me because i was moving away and he didn't want to do the long distance thing and then he immediately started dating someone who lived in another city. lame. just tell me you don't like me anymore! then there was this guy who kept talking about his ex-girlfriend. i thought only girls did that. call her, not me! and then there was this guy who broke up with me on my birthday in a foreign country. what a craphead. on my birthday! there once was this guy that pawned me off on his friend and then proceeded to mug down with one of my friends. oh and then later he told me and my friend that he was too mature for both of us. poopface! ah. i feel better.

and now i will talk about how great my last boyfriend was (and still is). he wrote a song about one of the aformentioned ex-boyfriends -- one of the lines goes, "i hope your kids are nothing like you and they see the possibilities." he wrote my college roommates letters asking them to make sure he treats me right. he asked me to be his girlfriend on september 11. he made me CD after CD of amazing songs that he and i both love -- some of the artists featured include: Jeff Buckley, Better Than Ezra, Cracker, David Gray, David Garza, Nick Drake, Bob Schneider, Radiohead, etc. (i mean, how cool is this man i married, eh?) he asked me to marry him by singing me a song in his nicest outfit, a sport coat, tshirt, and tan pants. he helped me get over all those poopfaces i just talked about and realize i was lovable and beautiful, despite what they said/did. he assured me on the phone late one night that no, he did not believe people should own guns. i was hooked.

go here for more pictures of Addy.